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Thanksgiving from my perspective: woke up after a weird and emotion-hurting-sort-of dream and talked to my friends cat, since she was already up and out of the room and downstairs. So i hoped things wouldn't turn out too bad. So the day goes on, i return to the house which we are staying at (still not liking it -.-) and i got a chance to go on the computer again! so i decided to catch up with whatever notes on here. I started to reply to my wolf Buddy's note... its long (i dont mind at all ^_^ its nice to talk) but i dunno...i hoped this wouldn't be bad, which it shouldn't be.... and it wasn't, in fact in a way it made me feel alot better! so i was all happy again then we went to my moms friends house for thanksgiving. Which just so happens to be kinda close to where i use to live, as well as places with aloooot of memories i rather not think of, especially when i was feeling happy. so yea, there was alot of food, a dog and a cat there and my brothers and i, also my mother, was outside for the most of it, but it was really fun! i got to hang out with my youngest Bro and make him and his friend laugh. Then i went back on the deck where a couple of "the Adult/parents/grandparents" were taking to my mom and they were talking about how i keep bugging my mom for my dog back. I NEED HIM </3!!! -ehm- anyway... So the lady who lives at the house we were at mentioned that there was two bigger dogs next door, they keep barking and i guess they were kinda unsure about them.. i remembered hearing them bark and stuff so i decided might as well give them a visit ^_^ i went to the fence and gave a small bark to get their attention. they started to bark so i sat on the ground and held out my hand, close enough for them to sniff and see their reaction. they did, and one of them kept putting his/her paw on my hand. i was like "yea! high five ^-^" and he/she did it again and made that happy-doggy-pant sound and he/she looked like he/she was smiling. i felt happy, then i remembered there was an opening in the bushes further down the yard, and the fence was different there, i could easily put my arm through and pet them (mean while the "adult-parent-people were laughing and such XD) so i did that, and they were SO KAWAIII! such sweet things! oh they were collies! much like this one: www.dogbreedinfo.com/images10/… i talked to them, asking them if they were secret dog spies and so such...asking them if they knew Yuuki my Dog XD it was fun! so aside from the going back and forth from the deck, getting more iced tea or something and petting the dogs again, i got to go two houses down and act like an idiot on a trampoline!~ it was fun (and i didn't notice the people back on the deck were watching me) so i did weirdy things, i dunno i was hyper and trying to do flips and trying to get my older brother to join me XD Finally Eli (my youngest bro) came on and so did his friend, so i kept tripping eli or goofing off XD When things settled and the outdoors grew too cold (no jacket and no shoes XD) i went inside and talked to my mom, we went tot eh basement and we talked about a few things, some serious, some randomness. that was my thanks giving XD it was nice to enjoy it ^_^ it made em wish the weekend didnt have to end even more, and lately school coming again after the weekends didn't bother me as much as it use to (or so it seemed) cus with school i can see and bug and also i don't have Yuuki
and we are all cooped upstairs in one room.... me, my mom and 3 bros, and i dunno i dont like it here .... when my mom isn't there it seems weird going down the stairs and stuff... ~~~~~~
Mental Health/First Encounter with "Hipster Jesus"
Well i originally got inspired t make this journal because i was happy at the end of school today!
ok, well lately i have been thinking too much i guess i can say.. i dunno im working on stuff and fighting against emotions or feels just in case.... i dont want to get caught into something >.> im scared XD but i dunno... Feeling like i could disappear, and thinking my existence isnt needed... i dunno im just being negative again... I JUST WANT A HUG OK?! anyway, so i dunno i went to a "mental health" thing or something and i figured somethings about myself or something... (i found out ive been "scared of people(strangers) (intimidating people/groups)" for my life XD i use to get so scared i would cry and sometimes throw up XD and also i found out, when i told her i felt like i was annoying someone and maybe they would be better without me, or be just fine if i just moved away or disappeared without anyone knowing.... but i dunno i guess i am not looking at the positives and i put my negative walls up too high and not letting some things reach me... i dunno for a little while i saw that i didn't need t worry or something BLAH HUGS PLZ FROM ...dat person >//u//<) after that day, um i was waiting for my wolf buddy to finish math class (i have a spare) and i was leaning against our locker, just thinking and drawing...trying to figure out how it will go XD
then i heard voices... i saw two people
one i know.... the other one was this guy that my friend K.M calls "hipster Jesus". (HJ) i didn't hear what they were saying, but then i suddenly heard a "what about you?" and noticed that "H.J" was looking right at me, pointing and walking toward me. i took the music out to hear him (i was listening to music)... and he asked me something like "do you believe in a higher entity?" and i answered and somehow his calm, understanding way of talking and look made it easier to talk to him. he asked me what else i was into. i told him anime and art and pointed to my sketchbook. he asked to look at it and i let him.
he seemed to have a very unique and nice compliment/comment for each of my pictures. it was awesome to get feedback like this. he was very nice and i got all shy cus he was saying nice things and saying i have this energy and stuff and i could change the world and i said "i don't know how i could do that..." and he said "you are doing it now! smiling and ..." well he went on and it was cool to talk to him.
when my wolf buddy got to our locker when class ended, i was all "flustered" and stuff. i was happy! so we went outside since it was "hometime!". it was cold out so we were smart and sat behind a little wall thing and sat by each other, but then K.M wanted to talk to me and i had to tell her something and i put my backpack where i was and said "keep warm with that" XD ~~~~~
RETURN OF GRANDMA! PIZZA HUT
so then when i got home later after waiting for the bus with him, i found out my grandma was there! i was energetic and told her and my mom about H.J and my grandma laughed at me and said "oh teens..." She brought alot of food and snacks! and a backpack for Zack, as well as a jacket for Eli, and this kinda cool necklace for me, its all black and it has what i thought was a shark tooth-looking thing but it turned out to be a dolphin tail, which is awesome too :3 it was too small for her neck XD it goes to my collar bone Oh i dyed my hair and...HAHA my grandma isn't too fond of "wild hair/ Wild color hairs" so when i came into the room with the bright red front and black hair, she was like : *smiles like she something ridiculous* "oh jeez, you wild child! you and your hair colors!" and then laughed. it was a good reaction
we went to Pizza hut for supper and laughed ALOT!
turns out my younger bro, Zack, (14) can kinda sing like
Tiptoe through the tulips- Tiny Tim
and all that funniness!
we later bought pickles. i was happy again. pickles are wonderful ~~~~~~~
OK, so today! its Friday and it was picture day today! my final year of picture day!...
... they went in order of last names (alphabetically) and i am "t" soooooo i had to wait
um, i dunno what is with me im too weird XD so i did practically nothing in phys-ed which really ticks me off since i use to love working out and such...just not with a bunch of people there and when im kinda shy to do stuff and rick making myself look more stupid/clumsy/faiiillll around people....who are in my class, well around the little group i am in.... i dunno! i guess im kinda scared of losing an important person to me if they notice how much a weakling i am XD
After Phys-ed i have a spare.... So i followed K.M to the library where she showed me this:
WHICH IS SO ADORABLY! so sadddd!! but adorable!! <3 <3 i li-loved it! so kawaiiii and this
UGH SO SAD AND SHE LIED! she said it would have a happy ending BUT IT DIDNT ;-;
then i noticed that the intercom thing said "anyone with the last names starting with 'G' and 'H' and 'I' please go to the multi to get your pictures done" or whatever. (something like that,they could have said one letter but to not give away anything or much i will name the 3 letters...cus it could have been called like that too i dont remember >.<)
so i waited a bit then i left the library to find my wolf buddy, which just so happened to be walking out of the multi. i dragged him into the library... ~warning random feels~ (((( just randomly saying i really miss it when i would be on the computer and my dad would walk in or something....i just miss having him around!! ugh... and my dog ;-; but someone just walked into the room and i got a bit exited, i for a second, thought my dad came in and i wanted to tell him stuff ;-; dang it... BLAHHH.... my parents recently got separated...this past summer so yea blahh i dont like dissss)))) ~ok its done~
So i dragged him into the library... and he was suppose to return to his art class
i would like to say sorry but it was fun ^_^ my old friend, Taliah came in and we were talking and so such. then the bell rang for the next class. This would be the time for my art class, "year book" (however we are just doing random work that im too stupid to do XD)
so class was class... nothing special from what i could remember, but i acted happier than 2 days ago. i swore i told this guy in my class i wanted to die, well disappear would be more accurate, but i told him that i would die before i get into collage, since its expensive and i have no worthy talents XD he said "how can you get into collage with just drawing anime" and i was being crappy and hating on myself that day as it was. i felt so stupid that i still feel like i cant do my work and is still cautious with the macs in the art room.
um...then Lunch came and i was literally dragged into the computer room by the science rooms... cus i lay on the ground and K.M started to drag me, then when she stopped my wolf buddy dragged me the rest of the way but then i ran off...
kinda didn't expect them to look for me but they i guess finally noticed i was gone and went to look for me...
i left to get my sketch book to draw.... but when i came back i heard their voices so i hid by the door. K.M spotted me. i ran around alot. then i returned when they weren't chasing me or Quinn wasn't walking after me.
i dunno i felt kinda stupid XD pointless on being there considering i am math-stupid (very) as well as science...and the other guy who was with us knows that.... i dunno how stupid or....um i dunno...how low i am (in his eyes)in the "common sense" area i mean he told em not to eat a book....i know it was a joke but really...it seems he always says stuff like that... ~warning random rant~ on the day i was being negative...i didn't want to do work and since the mouse was being weird for me, i decided to just sit there in my self hate... then this guy had to jump in and do that "did you try turning it off and on again" which was weird cus NO i DIDNT cus i dont want to wok nor do i feels like it....i was more likely to run myself into walls or something to harm myself and release the feeling if i could than try to work and realize that i still cant do anything. ~ok its done~
ANYWAY.... so then i had psycology! it was fun, we had a substitute and i got to go on here and do more work on notes XD then "t" got called down for pictures. then i had my spare for teh final period of the day. So i went to the library computer and finished the long note i was typing and i realllly hope it sent! (i also checked the other messages!!!) then when i noticed it was 3:28 i went back upstairs to my locker to meet up with my wolf buddy and bell rang. then we got to see.... ~~~~~~~~~~
ANOTHER HAPPY MEETING
... "Hipster Jesus"!(i dont know how to spell his real name... if its the way i think it is....well its better to leave names confidential sometimes okay? ^_^) (Hj=Hipster Jesus) he was talking to me and my wolf buddy and i was getting all shyz again! he was being so friendly and even doing little dance-jig things and it made me feel really happy! one of the reasons was because my wolf buddy said it made him feel better and he was really smiling! i was happy to see him happy! you could tell cus his smile and his eyes were more..shiney! it made things even more happy for me ^///^
So yea HJ told us he was told not to talk about some stuff cus we were at school and my wolf buddy pointed out that the school is taking away his rights of speech and religion.
so for the time it too for us to walk tot eh doors and exit the school we...or more like they were talking about what school takes away... HJ said education is even taken away, which is stupid for a school to do considering they are suppose to give you education... but along with the imagination they are crushing (i pointed that one out) it seems like you cant really go and learn something necessarily"benefitful" to you as an individual...or something like that i cant explain it.
So we were outside now and we were talking...once again mostly the two were talking but i was there and happy! i think that's all i needed to do and i was ok with it ^_^
i wish i could explain it better but talking and seeing the smiles and the encouraging and rather inspiration talk...i loved it! it was the perfect way to end the school day... almost XD i wish i did something more today though... kinda wanted to hang out with my wolf buddy more but i feel sometimes that im losing my entertainingness and stuff.... maybe he doesn't want to hang out in the staircase like we use to do? i dunno XD
this was shown to me by my wolf buddy ^//^ it made me feel happy and special ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ OH! speaking of songs, i wrote a song last febuary when i was having problems and heart broken and i found my song on youtube. its called take this pain away but its not avaliable for people to see unless you have the link whihc i wont give out cus i hated how i sounded...i cant belive i posted it opn my old fB -.- back when i went on FB...
I fixed the old lyrics up a bit but i dont knw if i will continue wiht this or ..well i sort of gave up on it XD
My head hurts my heart is cracking my mind fills up with doubt i urge for the things which i am lacking oh take this pain away take this blade away dont just watch my heart fray away
can't i call you i long to talk to you like we use to feel your warm embrace, make(ing) my heart race oh i beg you, take this pain away take this blade away hearts shouldn't be used for play take this pain away where did you go?
(oh please listen, understand, wont you please? cant u tell i long for release?)
maybe one day, you will grow to know that deep down inside, you are the one that i loved deep down in my heart
(Oh God please, save me from this!)
take this pain away please take it away! if its my time to go, my life; take it away! This world isnt my home anyway! i know...
(ok this part is random attempts to fill in a spot i really needed to fix!!) my heart once longed for something more for you instead or a beating heart But now we have to stay apart seeing you brings memories once wonderful but its time to close the door take this pain away! release you from your chains someday if only there was another way... everything will be ok one day I will be over you my sky wont stay a sad grey as for the pain it will be taken away
I try my best to be as kind and helpful as i can to people and the only person i can hate is myself. I Will and want to be your friend! I am like a puppy, i like to make you happy if i can! *wags tail*
I like Nutella! and Fruit!
i am happy when i can make people happy, But i am also scared of lots of people or large groups...(most of the time its kinda easy to cheer me up a bit, but when my heart is broken, or somethign is bothering me too much, dont take it perosnally if i cannot break my bad-sad mood.i learned to be way more careful and not trust people so easily. This world has many people who will hurt you, and sometimes its the ones who you think are the right one for you, or who you wont expect...plus i gotta learn i cant take it so personally if i cannot help you..warning i apologize lots and when i say it i mean it! Plus i know its better to give people chances and be nice...kill them with kindness muhahahha)
I often flip from a dark little part of me, to happy, or hyper, energetic, then sad, then depressed, then blank and i dunno how to describe myself but please don't hate me im sensitive and very insecure ;-;
i dont use fb anymore..too much hurting form that.
I am a huge fan of anime, its my escape when i don't know what else to do. I also like the book divergent. and reading mangas! i also like to dress up and/or cosplay, however im not that good at it ^-^'
(i have watched Naruto, Naruto Shippuden, Lucky Star, Ouran High School Host Club, Vampire Knight, Chobbits, Clannad, Clannad after story, Toradora, Shugo Chara,Nyan Koi, Squid Girl, Darker than Black, Another, Tortured Souls, Sword Art Online, Eureka Seven, Angel Beats, Hetalia Axis Powers, Hetalia World Series, Hetalia paint it white, Wolf Children if it counts, Spirited away if it counts, Hetalia Beautiful World, Black Rock Shooter, Black Rock Shooter OVA, Death Note, etc going to watch or working on: attack on titan,Little Busters, Gintama, Hashirorio symphony, Disappearance of Haruhi, K-on, etc
Pairings i like!: Yuki and Zero--Yuki and Kaname--Kaname and Zero--Germany and Italy--Prussia and Hungary--Prussia and Canada--Tomoya and Nagisa--Tamaki and Haruhi--Chi and the main dude in chobits--Nagisa's parents--The mom and dad in Wolf Children--Anemone and Dominic--Hei and Yin....face it i have lots alright ^_^ ____________________Music____________________ I like all types of music! well almost all types! All time low---Skillet,---Never shout Never----Pierce the Veil-----Black Veil Brides----Hawk Nelson-----Hillsong, some Disney songs,---- Evanescence,---- FlyLeaf, ---Sleeping with sirens,---- Vic Mignogna's music!!!, ----Anime music and themes, ------Chris Tomlin, ----David G., ----Nightcore, ---DJ S3rl, ----K-pop, ----Vocaloid, -----Paul Brandt (he went to the same college as my parents!), ---Linkin Park, ----Christmas music, ---BarlowGirl, SuperChic---, Mikelwj, ----Casting crowns,---- MercyMe, --Michael W Smith, ---Britt Nicole, ---Marianas Trench, --LeeAnn Womack, ---Rascal Flatts, ---Blink 182---ETC!!!!
sorry to say, and please don't hate me but some scremo i am not too fond of. I DO NOT LIKE Justin Beieber at all, i am not too fond of Taylor Swifts new music, I do not like One direction and overly auto-tuned music and Niki Mange or how ever you spell her name, alot of dubstep music i suppose...and a few other bands, who..i dunno get on my nerves or i just cant seem to like.
_My heart_________________ I would feel bad if when i die, someone else would get my heart because i get attached to easily and have a very caring heart, and is also very breakable and sensitive, and it works alot so it sweats, which means it makes you cry, once again can be hurt easily.
I know what it feels to be in love...and then have your heart thrown to the ground and it hurts, be careful with who you love. Don`t be too quick to fall in love and get attached, but also don't be quick to hatred or dislike someone too..some people need time to be understood too...and some are just jerks who are torn apart and accepted the demons that tormented them.
sometimes in life things seem hopeless, but say a prayer tonight, it will be answered, maybe not tomorrow, or nest week but one day. just don't give up! ________who i follow.______________ OH! another thing about me... I am a Christian, though i think not a good example cus i have so many flaws, is easily mislead and confused i suppose, and um, i dunno....however no one is perfect and we can only do our best! WE all have our flaws and do wrong but God loves us, even a murderer can be forgiven! (just don't go off killing people or doing wrong on purpose ok? God is watching you silly goose.)
First of all.... I love ANIME ^_^ (and kawaii things ^_^)
Randomness is awesome ^_^
and I like hugs ^_^ :
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Naruto Fan!! Pein (nagato) is my fav ^_^ other characters: Kakashi Naruto iconnarutowthplz: Sasuke Deidara Tobi/obito and Madara Other Akatsuki members ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I am a fan of hetalia....Prussia is my favorite! others Germany^_^ Italy ^_^ America Canada England/Britian China Other ones ^_^
Favorite moviesthe movies on mertoid other M TFA, transformers of any kind, Lots moreFavorite bands / musical artistsMxPx, lots of othersFavorite gamesMetroid Other M, the metroid prime series, the metroid gamesSSBB, othersFavorite gaming platformWii,DSiOther InterestsMETROID!Nature, Martial Arts, TFA,music